Faith for sale

The United States of America: home of liberalism, shopping channels, advertorials... Here everything is for sale. I was warned. And yet it struck me to see this "for sale" sign posted by this Chicago church.
In my eyes, churches are a symbol of faith, a cultural patrimony, and certainly not an asset to market. But I tried to picture the associated advert, and came up with something that could read like:

For Sale because of worshiper defection. The property offers a large cross-shape floor plan with spacious, though gregarious living accommodations. Great opportunity to elevate. Small interior swimming pool and wine cellar. Ideal for social gathering. Comes fully furnished for large receptions, though guests would need to accommodate with wooden benches. Former landLord could offer repayment through Devil Soul Bank. Visits on Sundays.

Tough to say if I would manage to sell this property... But if I were not, I could always try my luck on eBaysilica!

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