Oral sex... With a fork!

XXX-rated candies?

When I came across these sweets on the shelves of my Mark&Spencer next door, I just found myself stunned with dropped jaws (and watering mouth). These might well be some great chocolate cakes, but the packaging rang another bell, a good meter above my empty stomach.

I was indeed certain that these treats would perform extremely well among the hordes of French pre-pubescent pupils who cross the Channel for school exchanges. Not that my fellow citizen have a sweeter tooth, but simply for the good laugh... As a matter of fact, in French, "Mini Bites" reads literally "Mini Dicks".

Stop F**king, tuck in.

Beyond the stupid teen joke, or brilliant marketing trick (after all sex does make sell), I wondered: if food keeps on infiltrating the sexual world, would gluttony soon outweighed lust for good? Would the capital sins be reduced to six?

In Dionysus' honour, Ancient Romans were already blending the best of two worlds into Bacchanalia. These orgies were at length depicted in Fellini’s controversial
Satyricon. More recently, Mickey Rourke explored Kim Basinger's body while proceeding to a complete grocery check in her fridge... This now cult scene from "9 1/2 weeks" has even been ranked 6th in the recent Channel 4 survey on the 100 greatest sexy moments in cinema.

So yes, Sex and Food have always been an intimate couple. But what if they divorced? What if Food was allocated the house, the car, the children, the goldfish and all the savings from the Venice-based bank accounts? What if broken Sex was to finally disappear?

To be honest, Sex's fate seems to be sealed. Sex, a.k.a Love, tends already to be compensated by chocolate bites. Call them forerunner or trend makers, but Marketers have already started to bury physical amusements. Have a look at this really well-done
micro-site from United Biscuits. It was developed to celebrate a new confection by Marcel Republique, a creative hot shop from the so-called "romantic city of Paris". Treason! But I must admit it is well-designed, interactive, entertaining… In a word, fun. Well, as fun as funerals could be.


  1. Anonymous7:41 pm

    Wouldn't it be better if it was mini poo?

  2. Funny that you mention this... In France we do have candies that are named "crottes au chocolat", which could easily translate in Chocolate Poo. Shall we see here an act of resistance from the Latin Lovers to keep food as un-sexy as possible?